This is a rough draft of the chapter that will appear in Faith & Fandom X
Disclaimer: This chapter is based on Balder's Gate 3. It is a “Mature” rated game. While you can limit certain amounts of mature content in the settings, make sure you are of appropriate age and applying spiritual discernment over whether this a game for you to play before engaging. If you’ve already played it, plan to play it, or just wanna read this chapter, I hope you enjoy this essay and find encouragement in it.
Balder's Gate 3 is not a game that would have been top of my list of ways to use my entertainment time. Turn based deep roleplaying games tend to lose my interest pretty fast. I was happily emerged in playing through Tears of the Kingdom and Sea of Stars as 2023 wrapped up, and thought they were both easy contenders for game of the year. When I saw that BG3 was cleaning house I started getting discouraged because there apparently was a game better out there than my 2 favorite games of the year, and I actually had the ability to play it. Then I found Karlach. This zesty abrasive Tiefling showed up on my tiktok cracking jokes. Then I found the plot point that sold me on the entire game; this charming mighty warrior couldn’t be close to people or even touch someone because her heart had been replaced by an engine that made her burn too hot for contact. Leaving her isolated, alone, and despite her overwhelming temperature, cold.
She had been the muscle for Gortash, who betrayed her and sold her to a devil named Zariel. As she states “The whole thing with Zariel happened so fast. I had no idea what had gone down until it was over. One minute I was in Balder’s Gate, a happy, healthy, not-quite kid. The next I was burning up in Avernus with an engine for a heart. Zariel laughed. She said she had paid him well for my services. She wanted to test her new machine, and he said I'd be able to handle it. He was right, sometimes I wish he weren’t. ”
Replacing her heart with an infernal engine made her burn hotter and stronger in Avernus. Because a corrupted heart functioned just fine in a corrupted place. Once she escaped though, she found that her corrupted infernal heart made her untouchable and that she was also on the verge of her tainted heart combusting.
While in much less dramatic, but also much more real fashion, we share strong similarities to Karlach’s condition.
Corrupted Hearts:
Scripture frequently paints the picture that because of our fallen/sinful nature, our hearts aren’t the beautiful things they were meant to be. If scripture doesn’t prove it for you, just go in the comments section of most posts and you’ll see pretty clearly how harsh our hearts have become as people.
" The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” - Jeremiah 17:9
“For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come—sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and defile a person.” - Mark 7:21-23
“The LORD saw how great the wickedness of the human race had become on the earth, and that every inclination of the thoughts of the human heart was only evil all the time.” - Genesis 6:5
Our hearts have corruption. Just in 3 passages our hearts are described as deceitful, sick, producing a variety of evil, and frequently bent towards evil. Most people would want to automatically argue that people are by nature good. I admit gladly, I do see good in most people, but I’ve also seen that there’s not a person I've met that these negative qualities aren’t present in some varying degree. Often people hide what’s truly in their hearts out of fear, but often reveal it when they think they have anonymity or will avoid being caught.
Since the first week of or 2024 I've started doing a weekly news podcast on Friday mornings. I haven’t missed one yet, even if I have to record from a mountaintop in Alabama, a kitchen in North Dakota, or the hotel room in between long con days. This has required me to actually start paying attention to news and the world around us a little bit more closely. I can honestly say this has furthered my conclusion that our hearts are just as corrupted as Karlach’s, and just as dangerous if left unchecked.
As the game progresses, Karlach’s heart becomes more and more unstable. Burning hotter, causing her pain, inching closer to her death. Eventually you have the opportunity in game to meet a smith named Dammon. He informs you that there is a possibility to repair the damage of the corrupted heart. You need to gather a material called “Infernal Iron” and then once you have enough you can bring it to him and he can effectively change out some of the more destructive elements of Karlach’s heart. It’s not an easy task, and even if you find it right away, Dammon is gone and you have to endure a girthy chunk of story, battles, underdark, and other horrible things before you come across him again.
Eventually you find him again in a stable in a place being protected from soul crushing darkness. You quickly begin to discuss Karlach’s heart again. He sends you to find some more infernal iron to complete the regulator (game tip, if you keep one piece on you, and store the rest at camp, you can just get your piece from camp and not have to embark on the additional quest.)
Karlach is all for it. She states “It’s really happening. It’s been so long. So c’mon, let’s get this show on the road. Now - let’s find that infernal iron. Before I overheat. My engine... It’s getting worse. Feels like it’s going to burst out of my chest.”
Once you provide the additional material, as he’s crafting the infernal iron addition to regulate the heart, he states;
“The weight of it. And that blaze of chaos. Can’t imagine this where my heart should be. Must be quite the experience. You’ll have to install it. I’m afraid. I don’t think there are thick enough gloves in all the realms to protect from that kind of heat.”
Karlach installs the regulator and states; “That feels....good. I’m still burning hot...but I feel less...changeable...”
Karlach can now touch people again, and you are able to give her the first hug and non-violent physical contact she's had in many years. Honestly once I hugged her and repaired her heart, I was ready to call that a win and retire the game, but it isn’t that easy. Not for Karlach, and also not for us.
God also tells us that He wants to repair our broken heart. I’m incredibly grateful it doesn’t require endless searching and looting on our part, but rather He does the work, and we just need to be still and obedient enough to let Him do it.
In the verse that most closely parallels Karlach’s circumstances, the prophet Ezekiel writes on behalf of God;
“And I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them. I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh, that they may walk in my statutes and keep my rules and obey them. And they shall be my people, and I will be their God.” - Ezekiel 11:19-20
“And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” - Ezekiel 36:26
We also see a prayer from David, who managed to have one of the most corrupt, yet beautiful hearts in scripture.
“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” - Psalm 51:10
God changes our hearts, and in fact we also see in scripture that through a relationship with Him, our hearts aren’t the only things that become new, but we become new creations all together.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” - 2 Corinthians 5:17
Do I believe God makes us new? Yes.
Do I believe God gives us new hearts? Yes.
Does that stop us from failing, sinning, or struggling in this fallen world? No.
It definitely helps. It definitely increases the quality and effectiveness of life. But it doesn’t ultimately change our scenario here. Because the new hearts and new identities here are still temporary fixes until we are in the place we belong in the presence of God.
While you can hug Karlach after getting her new installment on her heart, it also doesn’t offer a permanent solution as Dammon quickly points out, killing the vibe.
“That engine of yours – it’s contained for the moment, but it’s just too hot to exist here in the material plane indefinitely. I wasn’t making any headway with the mechanics – none at all. The environment here is just too cold to sustain metals like the ones inside you. But the thing is there’s a cure. You have to return to Avernus – for good- or this thing is going to burn you up from the inside out. And sooner than you think.”
Karlach of course rejects this notion: “The minute I set foot back in Avernus, Zariel will force me back into service. I’m not doing her bidding again. I’d rather die”
Dammon warned Karlach to be cautious, to be careful and consider how the world around her was affecting her heart. Dammon told her that her heart wasn’t meant for this world, and as long as she remained here, she would need to guard it. That honestly is where we find ourselves as well.
We see in Proverbs, which is written by someone who struggled with their own heart;
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” - Proverbs 4:23.
There’s a strong emphasis to the “Above all else.” If you can’t protect your heart, nothing else is going to function properly. We have a new heart, but in a world where it doesn’t fit and we need to maintain it until we arrive in a place where it does. This is no easy task. Where Karlach was constantly on the verge of combustion, our hearts are constantly on the verge of collapse. Be it sadness, struggle, frustration, bitterness, loneliness, anger, entitlement, fear, or any number of factors that constantly bring our hearts to the brink.
It’s the concept Jesus gave his disciples, not just guarding your heart from outside attacks, but also guarding it from internal collapse.
In John 14 we see 2 separate instances where Jesus told His disciples to “Not to let their hearts be troubled.” Meaning it’s something preventable on our end.
“Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me.” - John 14:1
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” - John 14:27
Jesus warns them to rely on Him, His Father, and His Peace. Because those things can help keep our hearts from collapse.
Depending on your story course, Karlach finds that the man who betrayed her is dead, and it sends her spiraling into despair over her condition;
“I’m beyond overwhelmed. I’m.....finished. What was the point? I’m still dying. I’m dying. I’m going to die. My heart. It was mine. And they took it. I’m going to be as dead as Gortash. Any day now. Any moment. And what then?...That’s my reward for everything I’ve suffered. That’s why I survived 10 years of torment. The fighting, the clawing, the loneliness...the loneliness.... all of it so I could rot. Because the person I trusted the most gave me away to the devil. It isn’t fair. I don’t want it like this.... Thank you for listening.... for existing. Love you.”
Karlach’s situation wasn’t fair. Neither is yours. Neither is mine. Our hearts were corrupted and we had no say in the process. It did damage and robbed us of time. It’s perfectly understandable to get frustrated, angry, and scared with all that we see and experience. Our circumstances push us to feel like Karlach when she said “My heart feels like a live grenade that could explode at any minute.” I don’t want you to think I'm downplaying how hard it is on you or anyone else. Existing in this world is hard. I’m glad you’ve made it this far. I hope you continue to.
We have someone far greater than Dammon working on our hearts. We have someone who has far greater goals for us than just hugs and romance storylines. God not only repairs what’s broken, He puts beautiful, eternal things in there, because He hasn’t abandoned us.
In the Old and New Testament God, God tells us that He will write His eternal word into our hearts.
“But this is the new covenant I will make with the people of Israel on that day, says the Lord: I will put my laws in their minds, and I will write them on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people.” - Hebrews 8:10/Jeremiah 31:33
He places His word, which is precious, in your heart, which is also precious.
One of my favorite verses about our heart is found in Ecclesiastes 3:11-12;
“Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can.”
He has planted Eternity in the human heart! Even at its most corrupted, there’s something in there that God desires to live forever. And it’s in that eternity we’ll find the peace our hearts so long for.
Balder’s Gate is different for each player. Each choice brings you to a different outcome. For Karlach, most of her story options don’t end well. You can refuse to go to Avernus and combust. She can go to Avernus with Wyll. You as the main character can join her in Avernus and stand by her side. With the 7th patch that was just released, you can become completely evil and take over everything. There’s a version where she becomes a mind flayer. There’s a version where you as the main character can kill her when she becomes a mind flayer. Lots of options. The best one I've seen so far in all the versions of the story is if Gale becomes a “god” and Karlach and Gale romance, Gale can make Karlach a “god.” She is transformed completely and her damaged heart is no longer a factor. We don’t become gods, not even the lower case “g” type. But we see a similar outcome.
The story with the best outcome is where a divine being takes someone who has a broken corrupted heart, and changes them into something eternal, and gives them a life far beyond the broken options that lie in the world they are in.
That goes for Karlach, that goes for us.
Guard your heart. It carries precious things, and holds you together. Trust it with the one who can heal it.
In the words of Karlach;
“Thank you for listening.... for existing. Love you.”
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